Picking up
by Isabellamary
Summary: Tucker comes back to fix what was broken. Will Olivia let him in?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey y'all this is my first fanfic ever so bear with me! I'm also not that great of a writer so try to ignore the spelling mistakes, I tried my hardest! Please leave comments I would really love your feedback, Thanks!**

Chapter 1: Again

*knock knock*

"Momma, someone's at the door"

"I hear that sweet boy, stay here while I go see who it is ok?"

"Ok"

Olivia walked over to the door to see who is at her home at 8pm

It had been over a year since she watched him walk out her door and she had regretted it ever since.

"Ed" Olivia breathed out.

"Olivia I-"

"TUCK TUCK" Noah screamed out and ran into his arms

Ed picked him up and kissed his head.

"hey buddy" Ed said misty eyed

"You came back Tuck Tuck. I misseded you."

Ed carried his eyes to Olivia and could tell she was struggling to keep it together. She was trying not to cry at the scene in front of her.

"I missed you too bud. How have you been? You being good for mommy?"

"I be the best boy ever cause mommy the best mommy ever"

Ed and Olivia both smiled through the tears that were trying to escape.

"Hey sweet boy it's time for bed my love" Olivia said as she ran her hand over Noah's hair.

"Ok momma, I see you soon Tuck?"

Ed looked over at Olivia as a tear escaped her lower lashes and fell down her cheek.

"I hope so bud, goodnight" Ed grounded out as he kissed his head.

"Goodnight Tuck, Love you" Noah said as he ran off into his room.

Olivia watched him run off then looked up into bright blue eyes.

"Stay? While I put Noah to bed, then we can talk?" Olivia whispered, arms hugging herself.

"Of course" Ed whispered

Olivia nodded and walked off

Olivia reappeared not even 20 minutes later to see Ed standing by the couch.

"Olivia-"

That's all it took for Olivia to break down, as tears ran down her cheeks and she fell into Eds arms.

"Oh baby.." Ed breathed out

"I'm so sorry" Olivia cried out

Ed just hugged her tighter


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey y'all I'm back with chapter two. Please let me know if I should continue this and/or what you would like to see happen. I have some ideas for what I would like to happen later on but I had a bit of writers block writing this chapter so I don't know if I should continue. Please comment what you think!**

Chapter 2: Forever and always

"I don't know why I let you leave that night" Oliva said as she shook her head untangling herself from Ed's arms

"Everything was just happening so fast. With Dodd's death and then the three of us going to Paris. I don't know, I think I just got too overwhelmed and running is the only thing I know how to do." Olivia started to pace

"I love you Ed…..so much. I really do, and I think that scares the shit out of me." Olivia turned to face him with tears running down her cheeks.

"Liv, what are you so afraid of?"

"Ed, I've been hurt so many times in my life, and I don't think I can handle another heartbreak."

"I will NEVER hurt you Olivia. I love you so much. You're the love of my life, and I want nothing but the best for you. If you want me here I'm here, if you don't then I'll leave. I just want you happy"

"NO DON'T LEAVE" Olivia said quickly, tears welling up in her eyes

"Ok baby…ok… I'm right here..shhhh… its ok" Ed said as he took her into his arms and kissed her forehead as she buried her head in his chest.

"please don't leave me" Olivia whispered into his chest

"I won't, I'm staying right here" Ed whispered back

Hours later found Ed and Olivia cuddled up on the couch together, Olivia buried into Ed's side. It was raining in Manhattan today, and they listened to the rain drops hit the window as the minutes ticked by. Every couple minutes or so Ed would kiss the top of Olivia's head and it made her feel so safe. Even after all the things she's seen in her time at SVU she always felt so safe and loved in Ed's arms. She didn't know why she ever left him in the first place.

As Ed held Olivia in his arms he couldn't understand why he walked out that door. He loved this woman more than anything and he loved her son as if he were his own. He didn't know if he would be able to walk away from them again.

After another couple minutes, Olivia looked up from her place on Ed's chest and whispered to him

"Will you stay tonight?"

Ed knew she needed the comfort after such an emotional day and he didn't even hesitate when he responded

"Of course"

With that, Olivia gave a shy smile as she took his hand and started walking down the hallway. As they got to her bedroom door, Olivia stopped and turned around while she stared at the ground.

Ed knew she was struggling to say something so he decided to help her

"I can sleep on the couch Liv" Ed whispered

"No…no it's not that" Olivia whispered as she stared at the blank wall. Trying to focus on anything but his piercing blue eyes.

"I..I want you to sleep in my room with me, I just…I ONLY want to sleep. I don't want to do anything tonight." Olivia whispered with a blush as a tear ran down her cheek.

"Baby we don't have to do anything you're not ready for, I'm here for you. What do you need from me?" Ed whispered back

Olivia couldn't hold her tears back as she whispered "hold me, please just hold me and never let go"

Ed kept her hugged tight into his chest as he walked them into her bedroom. As they got inside Ed shut the door behind him with his foot and set Olivia down on her bed. "you need to change baby, your still in your work clothes, they won't be comfortable to sleep in" he whispered into her hair. She had been going nonstop on a case for the past two days and had come home late today and didn't have the time to change before Noah's bedtime routine. He knew Olivia was emotionally spent and he took her silence as a silent need for help. Silently, Ed walked over to Olivia's dresser where he knew she kept her night clothes. As he pulled open the drawer he smiled to himself. The drawer was filled with Olivia's negligee except for one t shirt folded on top, an old NYPD t-shirt from when he first started out. Ed pulled the t-shirt out of the drawer and set it down next to Olivia on the bed.

"I'm sorry… I don't know what's wrong with me I'm not usually this needy, I'm just so exhausted." Olivia said as a tear ran down her cheek.

"It's ok to need help every once in a while Liv, I'm going to help you put this on ok?" Ed whispered

Olivia just nodded silently

Ed started with her blouse, unbuttoning it slowly one by one. As he finished with the buttons he slid it off her shoulders and let it spill onto the bed. His hands went to the buckle on her belt, but stopped as he remembered her past and looked up at her silently asking if it was ok to continue. He was reassured as she nodded her head yes. "I'll be quick" he whispered against her cheek. He quickly unbuckled the belt and slid it from across her waist and set it down next to her. He quickly undid the button on her pants and as if reading his mind, Liv stood up and went to slide them down when Ed's hands stopped her. She looked up at the touch of his hands on hers as he whispered "I got it baby". He sat her back down and slid the pants down her legs and picked them up along with her blouse to throw them in her hamper as he put her belt on the chair in the corner of her room. As he stood in front of her he knew she had to get her bra off. He remembered how when they were dating she hated to sleep in her, she always complained that it was just too uncomfortable. He undid the back with ease and slid the straps down her arms. As he dragged the garment away from her he went and set it down on the chair next to her belt. When he came back he took the t-shirt into his hands and pushed her brown locks back off her shoulders. He slowly slid the t-shirt over her head and her arms but not before placing a light kiss on the top of each breast. There was nothing sexual about it, it was just for her to know that he was here. After getting her dressed, Ed took his shirt and pants off leaving him in his boxers. He noticed Liv had crawled under the duvet, so he walked over to his side and slid in behind her. Hearing the mattress dip Olivia turned around and rested her head on Ed's chest and shut her eyes.

"I love you Ed, so much"

"I love you too baby, forever and always"


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys I'm back, sorry this hasn't been updated sooner but these things are hard to write! I'm trying to incorporate episodes from the current season of SVU and some past characters so let me know what y'all think! Comments are much appreciated!**

Chapter 3: Fear and Sorrows

Olivia had one of the best nights sleeps she had in months, but all the emotional toll from last night had left her with a headache.

Rising up out of bed Olivia walked over to the bathroom and quickly stripped down to get in the shower. All the talking from the past night had caught up with her and she really just needed a hot shower. Along with the emotional toll of last night, her conversation with Amanda about her abortion was still ringing in her head. She needed a moment to escape and decided a shower would be the best solution for that. Stepping into the hot spray of the shower, Olivia started to feel the steaming water wash away some of her tension. As she rinsed the soap off her body her hands drifted down to her stomach and left her struggling with emotions. Rubbing her hand across her stomach she cried. She cried for Amanda and everything she was going through, she cried for the loss of a bigger sibling to Noah, and most of all she cried for the loss of a child that could have been. She knew she had to talk to Ed about it, he was one of the most important people in her life and she knew if she wanted this relationship to work she had to trust him with her pains and sorrows as well.

He had heard her get up an hour ago and wanted to ask her where she was going, but he knew that after last night she probably needed some time alone.

But as time ticked on he realized she had been in there for over an hour and he knew that her showers never lasted over that. Wanting to make sure she was ok he knocked on the door but received no answer. He got worried with why she had been in there so long and was grateful to realize she hadn't locked the door.

"Olivia"

"Ed?" he heard her mumble over the sound of the water hitting her body.

"yeah baby it's me, I just wanted to make sure you were ok in here, you've been in her for over an hour, is everything ok?"

Right after he said that he heard the water shut off and the shower door open revealing Olivia's naked body dripping with water. He knew he shouldn't stare especially given the fact that they had only gotten back together last night so he turned around quickly in order to give her some privacy.

"I'm sorry Liv I couldn't see you step out with all the steam" he mumbled apologetically with his back to her.

Walking up to him, Liv turned him around by the shoulders to face her.

Turning around he noticed that she was still naked head to toe and wet from just coming out of the shower. As she stood in front of him he couldn't help but drift his eyes down to her breasts. He remembered when they used to make love how she loved to have him pull and suck on her nipples. Caught up in his day dream he didn't even realize she was staring at him with a smirk on her face.

"I'm sorry Liv" Ed said while blushing.

"hey, I know we just got back together last night, but you never need permission to look at me naked ok?" Olivia said with a smirk as she went to grab a towel and wrapped it around her body.

Wrapping is arms around her he placed a kiss to the top of her damp hair.

"you know I just want to give you your privacy"

"I know that, and you have no idea how much I appreciate that but still, you don't need permission, ok?"

"ok baby"

Even with the light banter she tried to play out, her mood soon turned somber when she spoke again"

"Ed I need to talk to you about something" Olivia said as she looked down to her feet tearing up.

"Hey" He said lifting her chin up. His heart broke when he saw tears running down her cheeks. "Baby what's going on?" Ed said with worry when he saw how much this was affecting his girlfriend.

"I-" Olivia started but was interrupted by Noah walking in their room next to the en suite. "momma?"

"we can talk when Noah goes to bed tonight" Olivia said as she started walking into the bedroom.

"Sweetheart" Ed said as he gently grabbed her arm. Olivia slowly turned around facing him. Ed put his hands on her shoulders as he spoke softly. "Why don't I get Noah started with some breakfast and you can get dressed for today? Give you some time to yourself for a little bit and to get calmed down?"

"yeah that sounds good, thank you"

"No problem baby, I'll see you out there soon ok?"

"yeah, I'll be out shortly" Olivia whispered

"Ok I'll go see Noah" Ed spoke softly as before he walking into the bedroom.

Olivia smiled softly to herself before starting to dry herself off and get ready for the day.

"Hey buddy" Ed said as he walked into the bedroom.

"TUCK YOURE STILL HERE" Noah said with excitement

"yeah buddy I'm going to be around more often, that okay with you?"

"YEAH" Noah said with energy before his mood turned somber

"Momma sad when you gone, she not gunna be sad no more?" Noah said with such innocence, he had no idea the effect he was having on Ed and even Ed had no idea that Liv was listening to the conversation with tears in her eyes.

"I hope so buddy, why don't we go have some pancakes huh?"

"YEAH COME ON TUCK" Noah said as he took Eds hand and ran into the kitchen.

Olivia had no idea the effect her sadness was having on Noah. In fact she had no idea that he had even noticed it. She knew she had to talk to Ed about everything, she had to do it for herself, for Ed, and most importantly for Noah.

 **Hey guys so like I said I'm trying to incorporate things that happened in episodes from season 20 but they may not be in the same order as the actual show. And as for some old characters- don't worry there coming up;) THIS IS NOT EO- I DON'T FUCK WITH HIM NO MORE. Bensler will forever be a mood but let's save that for the shows finale. As for right now he's not needed here. Please leave comments as to what you want to see happen in this fanfic I really love reading yalls comments. I know liv seems really emotional and needy but I don't think the show captures her emotional struggles with day to day life as much as they should, but don't worry in due time she will be happy as hell. I'm going to try to update this sooner than last time. Thanks!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: You and me against the world

About 30 minutes later Olivia walked into the kitchen to see a plate of pancakes on the bar ready for her to eat and Noah sitting on the couch watching cartoons. Walking up behind Ed as he was cleaning the kitchen she whispered in his ear "Thank you".

Ed turned around at the sound of her voice and wrapped his arms around her.

"Feel better?" he said as he kissed her forehead

"Yeah a little, thank you for breakfast" she said as she started eating the pancakes he had made.

Her and Ed watched Noah in the living room as she ate her pancakes and Ed rubbed her back lovingly as he kissed the back of her hair. After she placed the dirty plate In the sink and washed her hands Ed took her back in her arms and gave her a small but loving kiss on the lips.

"we still need to talk tonight" she said with a sad smile.

"whatever it is, we'll work through it and figure it out. I'm here now, let me take away some of your stress" Ed said as he looked into her eyes.

Olivia knew that he meant that, and he had no idea the amount of happiness it brought her to know he WANTED to be there for her.

"I was thinking, since your off for the next couple of days why don't you and Noah take today for just the two of you. Maybe go see a movie, walk around the park, have lunch? And I'll stay back here and get some things done around the house. Let all the stress of everything fall off your shoulders for a little while"

Olivia had tears in her eyes as he said this and she struggled with what to say next because she couldn't believe that she had found someone who cared about her as much as he did.

"You would really stay here and clean up my house when me and Noah are out all day?" Olivia asked with tears in her eyes.

"yeah, you need some time with you and your boy" he said with a smile

"you could come with us" Liv said

"I could, but I'm going to stay here and clean up a little bit, and you can go have some mother son time with Noah" Ed said with a smile

"I don't know what I did to deserve you"

"you deserve the world, and that's what I'm going to try to give you. It's not going to be like last time. Were a team. Your problems are my problems and were going to be a family. No more excuses. It's me, you and Noah against the world" Ed said as he placed a soft kiss against her lips.

"Ed" Olivia said as a tear dripped down her cheek

"shh, I know, and I'm sorry to get all heavy on you but I needed you to know. I love you" He said as he kissed her forehead

"I love you too" she said with a sniffle

"go see Noah and tell him the plans for today, he'll be excited to spend some time with you"

"ok" Olivia said and placed one last soft kiss on his lips before heading off to the living room. To see Noah.

"good morning momma"

"good morning sweet boy, did tucker make you pancakes" She said with a smile as she sat next to him on the couch and pulled him into her lap.

"Yeah momma they were really good, tuck tuck make good pancakes"

"yes he does baby yes he does"

"What do you say me and you go out and spend some time together today? We can go see a movie and play in the park?"

"YEAH" Noah said with so much excitement, Olivia knew she should do this more often with him. And made a promise to herself to do so.

"why don't you go brush your teeth and we'll wash up and get ready to go"

"ok momma!" he said as he ran off to the bathroom

Olivia walk into the kitchen and spoke softly to Ed. She knew what she had to tell him tonight was going to be strenuous and she had no idea how he was going to take it.

"I'm going to go give Noah his bath and get ready to head out, you sure you don't want to tag along?"

"Go out with Noah and have some fun, don't worry about me, I'll be here when you get back and then we can talk" Ed said with a small smile.

"Ok love you" Liv said as she walked to the bathroom to give Noah a bath.

As she walked away he suddenly got an idea and knew he was going to need someone's help to help him execute his plan.

Picking up his phone Ed dialed the number he had saved from when they were together the first time. "Hey Lucy it's me I was wondering if you would be able to help me with something for liv"

After getting off the phone with Lucy and saying his goodbyes to Liv and Noah Ed saw is was 11 o'clock so he got to work with his plan. He finished cleaning the kitchen and then got to work on the living room. After dusting everything and getting all of Noah's toys picked up and vacuumed he then made his way to Noah's room. He organized everything and made his bed and got all the laundry out of the bedrooms and bathrooms and started the laundry. He lastly made his way to Olivia's bedroom and bathroom where he tidied everything up and vacuumed in there as well. He was determined to get this house spotless for Liv because he knew with her job and Noah she didn't have a lot of time to deep clean. After he finished cleaning it was nearing 3 o'clock so he took the spare key in the dish by the front door and set off to his apartment to shower and pick up some clothes because he figured after their conversation tonight he was sure Liv would want him to stay.

He left his house around 5 and knew Lucy was meeting him at Liv's apartment at 6, so he headed off to pick up dinner. While he was walking back to his car after picking up the food he saw a florists shop and decided to stop and get some of her favorites flower. Peonies.

When he got back to the apartment he put the flowers in the vase, set the food up and lit some candles around the house. Just as he lit the last candle he heard a knock on the door.

"Hey Lucy, thanks so much for doing this, I hope I'm not keeping you from anything?" Ed said as he let her inside.

"Oh no Captain I was just planning on studying but I can do that when Noah goes to bed" Lucy said with a smile.

"Oh its not Captain anymore, I retired. Ed is fine"

"wow I didn't know that, I also didn't know you and Liv had gotten back together" Lucy said, Olivia and Noah had become her family and she had noticed how hard the breakup had been on her boss.

"we actually just got back together last night, but I know we still needed to talk more privately so thank you for taking him tonight"

"It's no problem, I'm glad I could help" Lucy said just as Eds phone buzzed

"She actually just text me that she's on her way up so if you could just wait outside the door for her and then take Noah and send her in here that would be perfect. We'll pick him up around 9:30-10 tomorrow and take him to breakfast." Ed said hopefully

"No problem, I have his bag, toothbrush, and his medicine. So that should be it, have a good night capt- I mean Ed" Lucy said with a smile

"you too, thanks again" He said as she walked out.

Just as Lucy shut the door she heard the elevator go off and saw Olivia walk out holding Noah's hand.

"Hi Liv" Lucy said and it was hard for her not to laugh as the confused look on her bosses face.

"Lucy hi? I didn't know I had asked you for tonight, I'm sorry" Olivia said apologetically

"HI LUCY" Noah said with excitement. Lucy loved that little boy and had no problem taking the him for a night, especially knowing how hard Olivia worked.

"Hi Noah" she said with matched excitement. "and actually Liv you didn't, these are orders from one Ed Tucker" she said with a laugh. "I'm taking Noah here for a sleepover at my place for the night and I was thinking spaghetti for dinner" she said with a smirk

"YES I LOVE SPAGHETTI, momma can I can I" he's loved Lucy ever since he was a baby and was ecstatic to spend time with her at her place.

"oh I don't know, Lucy you don't have to-"

"nonsense Liv its totally fine, me and Noah are going to have a blast aren't we bud?"

"YEAH"

"and besides I'm supposed to be sending you in there" she said as she pointed to the door. "so me and Noah are going to head out, I have everything he need and I'll call you if we absolutely need you."

"are you sure Lucy?"

"yeah Liv I'm sure, say goodnight to momma Noah"

Olivia bent down and gave Noah a hug and kiss on the head as she said goodnight

"we'll see you in the morning Liv, have a goodnight" she said with a smile.

As Lucy and Noah walked to the elevator, Noah ranting about the fun day he had, Olivia was left standing there in confusion. But her confusion quickly turned into shock as she opened the door to her apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Breaking Free

As Olivia walked through the door she couldn't believe what she saw. Her house was spotless, the most clean she was pretty sure it had ever been. There were candles lit, a vase of fresh flowers on the bar and the coffee table had her favorite Italian food set out for dinner. But most importantly she saw the love of her life Ed Tucker standing by the couch, holding a glass of red wine for her and she couldn't be more in love with him if she tried.

"Ed, what is all this?" she said shocked

"I know you have a lot of things you need to get off your chest and I thought that we should do it in complete privacy. So I thought we could eat and then you could tell me anything you need to say"

"I don't know what to say to all of this"

"you don't need to say anything right now" Ed said as he kissed her head and handed her her wine. "let's sit and eat for right now and then we can talk about whatever's on your mind…ok?"

Olivia nodded silently as her and Ed walked over to the couch and began eating dinner. They sat in silence and Ed noticed she was more playing with her food more than eating it. After about 20 minutes he knew she wasn't going to eat anymore and if he had to admit it, he was nervous a hell because he knew whatever she needed to say was big. Gently he took her food and everything else of the coffee table and took it to the kitchen so they would have no distractions for their conversation. Walking back he noticed her head had fell in between her hands and he knew this was going to be hard for her, but he was determined to help her through whatever it was. Rubbing her back lovingly he spoke in a whisper "whenever you're ready baby"

Taking a deep breath Liv knew it was now or never so she started talking

"Do you remember when I told you a while ago that I had a pregnancy scare when I was with Brian?" she asked sadly

"yeah" Ed said as he rubbed her back. She had a distant look in her eyes as she stared ahead and he waited for her to continue.

"And I said that It had come out negative, but that it was probably for the best"

He waited and he soon realized where this was going, and it broke his heart to even consider it.

"but I lied. The test was positive…. so I went to the doctor to confirm it and I was 6 weeks along." She started crying but he knew she wouldn't want his pity right now and that she need to get it all out. His heart was breaking for her and it was hard for him to not wrap her up in his arms right then.

"I was so excited" she laughed sarcastically through the tears.

"I was so excited that I was getting to carry a little miracle of life in my womb, I wanted to be a mother so bad" she said full of tears

"but when I got home that night and I told Brian. He got so mad, saying that I had planned it and that I did it on purpose. He said such hurtful things, told me I should abort it. He said that he never wanted kids and that me having our child wouldn't make him stay."

Olivia's body racked in sobs as she started hyperventilating. This had weighed on her mind for years and she had never told anyone. Ed couldn't take it anymore, he reached over and brought her into his arms as she tucked her head under his chin. He waited for her tears to die down.

"I had an abortion" she whispered as she looked up at him.

Ed couldn't believe it, he thought she had miscarried, he never would have thought she would have had an abortion. His heart broke for her, but he didn't think any less of her. She was in a different place in her life than she was now. Although after hearing this he wanted nothing more than to beat the shit out of Cassidy. He tightened his arms around her and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"I am so sorry you had to go through that, I know how badly you've wanted to be a mother and that had to of been so hard for you. I'm so sorry Cassidy put you through that." Ed said with tears in his eyes.

For the next 30 minutes they just sat there in silence. Ed placing soft kissed on her head every once In a while. Even though her sobs had stopped he knew she was still crying silently. He was startled when she spoke for the first time in minutes.

"I wanted to be a mom so bad"

"I know baby, I know" he said as he kissed her head

" I know I have Noah now, and I wouldn't trade him for the world, but I've always wondered what it would be like to carry a child in my womb."

"I'm so sorry baby" Ed said In a whisper

They just sat there, for another hour, as they listened to it rain out on the streets of Manhattan. He knew it had taken her so much courage to tell him about this and he couldn't be more proud of her.

Soon enough he realized she had fallen asleep so he carefully he picked her up and carried her to bed for the night. As he laid her down on the bed, he felt her grip tighten and heard her speak softly.

"please don't leave me"

"never baby" he said with one last kiss on the head as they drifted off to sleep.

 **As you can tell I hate Cassidy. And don't worry I know she seems sad now but our Queen will be happy again soon:)**


End file.
